


Inflated Ego

by OrangeRamen96



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6672865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeRamen96/pseuds/OrangeRamen96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Squilliam gets cursed by an old woman and grows to be the literal size of his ego, before destroying the town of bikini bottom. With all his friends turned against him, Squidward is the only one able to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inflated Ego

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission I did a while ago and is pretty unlike anything I've ever done before.  
> It has a good message, though. :)

Squilliam smirked haughtily, as he walked past the groups of people talking with the same tone he always spoke in. They were all gathered at his large mansion, as they threw him a party for his 34th birthday. 'Already 34 ad you're rich, attractive, and loved by all. You have it all, Squilliam. There's nothing you can't have, no fishwoman who doesn't want you and no fishman who doesn't want to BE you. And this if your night. Time to show them someone who has everything life can offer!'  
He stepped up into the first platform on his magnificent stairs, tapping his fork to his wine glass and gathering everyone's attention. "Hello, fishpeople of Bikini Bottom. Welcome to my 34th birthday gala. I would like to personally thank you all-- wait, what am I saying? No, I wouldn't. Could you imagine how much time?" The people around gave a respectful laugh, as he chuckled at his own joke. "Anyhow, I know you are all enjoying the free food and drinks made by the finest of chefs and most skilled wine makers in the sea. Have a wonderful evening." He grinned even wider when the people around him cheered happily. 'These are my friends. They have always been here for me and I know they love me. Sure, they want money, food, and wine, but I know they're loyal to me.'  
\--  
Sighing, Squidward finally closed out, leaving the Krusty Krab after locking the doors. He groaned, as a cheerful Spongebob danced around him happily, "Today was a GREAT day, wasn't it, Squidward?" Groan. "Oh, man! I almost can't wait to go back tomorrow! Oh, how I wish the restaurant was open all day AND all night." Another groan. "Oh, what if we bring that up to Mr. Krabs! I think he'd like being able to sell even more Krabby patties!"   
Squidward ground his teeth, "Look, you imbecile! I don't want to talk to you! I've had to look at your stupid, cheerful face all day. And no, that's the worst idea I have EVER heard. EVER. Go. AWAY."  
The yellow man frowned and nodded, somewhat used to his co-workers anger, but it had been months since the octopus had blown up that way and screamed at him. As he got home, he solemnly got ready for bed and laid down. Gary tried to crawl up onto his side, noticing his owner was sad, but the sponge shook his head. "Not tonight, Gare-bear, okay? I just... I want to be alone tonight. I'm sorry."  
\--  
In his dark house, all alone, Squidward knew he shouldn't have yelled at his co-worker the way he did, but he couldn't help it. He'd seen laughing, rich fishpeople driving in the direction of Squilliam's house all day. He knew today, his rival and old classmate turned 34. He sank down into the bubble bath, feeling the warm water slowly help to undo the knots he'd worked up in his calves and back by standing all day at the register. Looking out his bathroom window, he saw distant flashing, colorful lights. Remembering the invitation he was sent, he knew he could have shown up at anytime, but he decided against it. What was the use of getting endlessly made fun of by people way more successful, rich, and happier than he had ever been and ever will be.  
Sure, he had his paintings and possible music career to use, but it was so hard to get your art - physical or music - out to someone who'd take it seriously. Sure, Spongebob always had complimented his music - especially now that it sounded less like a dying seal and more like a crying cat - and the sponge had even bought a few of his paintings. It was listed online as an anonymous buyer, but he saw the mailman pick them up from his door and carry them to the next house.   
At first, he'd been so angry, ready to throttle the other man. How DARE he get his hopes up?! He waited all day for his neighbor to come over and make fun of him for the art. As the day started coming to a close, he decided he was done waiting. After Spongebob opened the door, Squidward pushed past him, expecting the unopened packages to be sitting there, or worse yet, the paintings to be destroyed in some way. To his surprise, however, the chef had all three paintings hanging up around his house, in very tasteful areas.  
"Why... why did you do this?" Squidward asked.  
"Well, when I asked you if I could buy one before, you slammed the door shut on me, but I really like your stuff, Squidward. So, I ordered them online. I'm sorry. If you want them back,--"  
"No, no! I... I thought...." The man chuckled, smiling at his yellow coworker, "Thank you. For taking me seriously. And for respecting me."  
"What are friends for?"  
As he shook his head to clear the daydream, the 4-legged man stepped out of his tub and wrapped a towel around himself, 'You know what? I think I'm okay. I don't need their money or acceptance. I already have a friend. A loyal, kind friend who would really be there for me, whether I had all the money Squilliam has or if I was flat broke.' He smiled, crawling into bed, promising himself he'd make it up to the shorter man the next day.  
\--  
Back at the mansion, most of the guests had retired for the night, some deciding to stay in one of the many rooms of the rich man's house. He smiled, deciding to take a walk outside and enjoy some fresh water after a long night. While walking, he happened to notice an old fishlady mumbling to herself as she walked by, shaking with each step, and leaning heavily on her cane. Her hair was grey and in loose strands and one of her eyes was a pale white, looking more like a pearl than an eye.   
Squilliam's face contorted in disgust, as he peeled back physically, before speaking, "Excuse me, uh... ma'am. You're on private land. Please leave."  
The woman stopped, slowly turning to him, as she cocked her head just slightly, "I-I can't leave just yet! You see, my... my little Abby is lost and I-I think she's in your maze!"  
"You lost your granddaughter in my hedges?"  
"No! My baby! She has the most beautiful pink and yellow shell, with a pale blue swirl."  
"You've got to be kidding me. You lost your filthy snail in my beautiful bushes? Ew. Look, I'll have the gardener check in the morning. For now, go."  
"But she'll be hungry without her din din," the woman frowned, feeling her heart ache for her beloved pet.  
"I don't care. Get off my property! A filthy hag and her disgusting snail don't belong here! You belong in that torn up, dirty city! Go away," Squilliam yelled, pointing towards the town about a mile away.  
"You're rude and uncaring! The only one you look out for is yourself! You need to learn a lesson, and I will teach it to you," the woman suddenly stood straight, stopped shaking, and stared right at the man. Her white eye seemed to glow.  
Thinking about running, the octopus slowly backed away, feeling creeped out. He tripped and fell, looking to the ground to see the snail who had seemingly purposely slowed him down. Looking back up, the woman had gotten much closer, as she looked into his eyes, seeing his soul.  
"Your ego is bigger than your heart. It's time you stopped being so tart! Until you stop your gall, you will be MORE than tall! Your ego will reflect your size! We will see who cares enough to answer YOUR cries!" The rhymes stopped, as a blinding light came from the woman's eye, expanding brilliantly, until he shot up in his bed, panting.  
"It... it was just a dream. Of course," laying back down, the man laughed, feeling relieved. "Yeah, of course such a smelly, old hag doesn't exist." All of a sudden, he felt a lurch in his stomach, as he felt his legs stretch involuntarily. He frowned, as his tentacles touched the end of his frame, while his head nearly his his headboard. "I guess it's about time to order a new one."  
Getting up from bed and stretching, the octopus smiled, "Today's gonna be a great day. Oh, wait! Every day is great for me. I AM Squilliam," he laughed, tossing his head back.  
The happy sound was cut short, however, when he felt the same stretching sensation and suddenly felt the top of his head rub against the ceiling. Frowning, the man ducked under the door frame of his room and walked through his house. He passed by a mirror, before stopping in shock. He'd grown nearly twice his size. "Heh. Well, now I really AM tall, blue, and handsome!" He didn't even get the chance to laugh, before he felt the stretching continue. "Wh-what's going on?"  
He quickly exited his house to find that his head went way above the top of his shrub maze. How had he grown so tall? "Hm. Maybe my body is trying to show off how great I am?" He stretched again. "I mean, I am THE most handsome," his head grew bigger, along with his body, "smart," he was four times his original size, and couldn't even fit through his own door, "and rich man I know." He would have filled an entire room with how big he was. "I guess I am pretty amazing," he smiled, not even feeling the stretching anymore, while he started walking towards the town, continuously growing inch by inch with every selfish thought about himself.  
\--  
Sighing, Squidward handed the customer his burger and fries, before calling, "Next!" A fishwoman with bouncy, blonde hair and a kind smile walked up. With his usual, monotonous voice, the cashier began, "What can I get for--"   
The sentence was interrupted by a man pushing in the door, a look of pure panic on his face, "Everyone! You've gotta get out! There's a monster, destroying the town!"  
It seems that was all that was needed for everyone in the restaurant to go into panic mode and run outside. Confused, Squidward followed them, before looking up to see something from one of his worst nightmares. Squilliam was laughing haughtily, the voice being distorted by his size, as he slowly crushed the buildings around him, speaking rudely to all the fishpeople running in fear, before stopping at the fellow octopus.  
"Oh, Squidward. Still working at the Loser Krab, I see!" He laughed like it was the funniest joke of all time.   
"What happened to you?!" the much smaller, blue man cried out.  
"I became, in every sense of the word, GREATER than you. THAT's what happened!"  
"AH! Freak!! He's a freak!" A man wearing a monocle and curved mustache screamed, running from his house with his wife.   
"Evan, Darla! It's great to see you two! Ah, yes, he is quite a freak isn't he?" Squilliam chuckled again.  
"What ARE you? Squilliam?! Why... why are you a giant freak?" Darla asked, wide-eyed.  
"A-- wait, what? Me? I'm not--"  
The giant man was interrupted by the fishman, "Don't talk to her, you disgusting giant! Get away! Kill it!" Evan screamed, starting a riot at Squilliam's feet.  
"I-- Wait, what? I don't-- why are--"  
Squidward tried to feel happy, but groaned, as he felt only worry and annoyance. He sighed, before Spongebob stepped up, speaking.  
"He looks like he's getting bigger every time he makes fun of himself or sounds really greedy."  
That was it! After running past the rioting crowd, Squidward yelled up, "Hey! Squilliam! Do you remember that time, in band class, when you tried sucking air in through the flute, instead of blowing?!" A chorus of laughter sounded from around him, as the crowd made fun of the giant man, The cashier felt mildly guilty, but his theory seemed to be working, as the tall octopus seemed to be shrinking slowly. "How about when you peed yourself when Suzie Hookman hissed your cheek?" He shrunk again, flustered ad stuttering. "Or when you farted during the moment of silence that one morning in class?" His pride was being turned into guilt and fear. "Or... or when you helped me up after I fell on the playground? When you took those punches for me? When you told me that... that we were the same?" The shrinking grew faster, as Squilliam started becoming his normal size, looking to the other octopus with guilty tears in his eyes.  
"I... I kept thinking I was so great, that I had the most amazing friends, when... when I'm just like you. I shouldn't have abandoned you, Squidward. You're one of the best friends I've ever had." He sighed, back to his regular height and weight, as he looked at Evan and Darla, feeling pain and betrayal strike his heart. The two ran back into their house, causing him to look back at the other blue man. "Tell you what, why don't you and I drop everything and become best friends again?"  
The cashier's eyes widened, as he looked at his old rival and possible new friend "Wait... really?" Hope sprung in his heart of being able to live the life of luxury and happiness he'd always wanted and constantly imagined.  
"HAH! No! Why would I ever be friends with you, when I have money!?" He hopped into the limo that Squidward had seen just yesterday, as he rode off. After he was far enough away, he sighed, 'I have no true friends, but... at least I have a great rival.'  
\--  
Spongebob walked up to his friend, as the townspeople started cleaning up the mess, "If it means anything, I'll always be your friend."  
Squidward smiled, "It means a lot more than you could ever imagine."


End file.
